Pretty Ponies
I am Wizard Boots. Have you seen my crow? Seriously….I don’t know where that crow has gotten off to. While you’re sleeping, I’m conjuring in the moonlight. These are some of my thoughts and observations…..happenings that happened…..things, places, people and possibilities. They are….my Pretty Ponies.
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I ZAP YOU!!!
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Brianna Love. She performed brilliantly in many adult films. I wrote a song about her. The universe brought us together. How can you say it didn’t happen? It obviously did. To gaze upon her majestic booty is to behold the unending realm of all possibilities….. 
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WIZARD BOOTS STRONG ALE
I’ve got a beer named after me. Who the fuck are you? It’s a strong ale too with fucking Chinook Hops…brewed by the honorary Ambassador of Portland. Maybe you should get up earlier in the morning so you can get more things done. I usually get up around 3pm and I still have a goddamn beer named after me!
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Why I left Texas.
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Sometimes our fans make friendly requests during our live performances. We welcome your queries, comments and concerns! And no we won’t play fucking Pop Tart!
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The White Witch
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In the early 90’s I was in this band called Voodoo Moon. It was a freaky psychedelic freakout….we didn’t really know what we were doing, but goddamn we sure had confidence. I seem to be declaring war on fashion here….plaid shorts with an oversize poker shirt….bold choices. In 1994 our dipshit drummer had the idea for all of us to move to Dallas,Texas. We made the move, and our drummer almost immediately chickened out and moved back home. What a fucking poophead. Although the band eventually fell apart, I had some of the best days of my life down there in the Crazy People’s Republic of Texas. Life tends to unfold as it should….most of the time.
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Whenever I take the old strings off of my guitar, they mysteriously become little people and start walking around talking. I do not know why this occurs. It is an unexplained phenomenon. This particular pair came to life in Denver, Colorado during the 2012 tour and were adopted there by our friends Jake & Jill. Give them a call if you don’t believe me.
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Seriously….not in my pooper. OK?
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I JUMP ON YOUR COUCH!!!
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Count Dracula wields a spatula…..Dracula’s Spatula. An unholy and powerfully supernatural artifact, it was unearthed by archaeologists in Bavaria during the early 1900’s. Several high ranking government officials have been rumored to own it over the span of the last century No official historic record of it exists. Dracula’s Spatula is nowhere and everywhere.
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Henry